BMW of the Week – 2003 330i

At first glance this BMW isn’t looking so bad, but the closer I get the worse things turn out to be.   This car came to us with the customer complaint that it ‘felt a little loose’ in the front end of the car.  ‘Loose’ is quite an understatement as the control arm bushings are about ready to fall out of the car.  The typical 3 Series BMW in San Diego will need new control arm bushings in the 55k range as the roads are a bit harsh and the bushings take a beating.  He’s got about 120k on the clock so instead of doing the second set of bushings, he still needs the first.  This is the least of my concerns for this sad car . . .

When a BMW has a windshield with a massive crack, it speaks volumes about the lack of care and/or respect that the car receives.  A crack like this takes weeks to develop, but I’m sure it has been there for over a year.   It makes the car look like shit, not to mention that it is illegal to drive around like this in San Diego.

If you look at the many uses for packing tape you’ll notice that ‘keeping your rear window up’ is never mentioned.  However, this clever fellow has found that it works just as well as a new window regulator.  Don’t do this, spend the $300 and get the damn thing fixed.  Packing tape doesn’t do a great job keeping the window up, but it does wonders on your trim and paint when you go to remove it. 

I haven’t gotten in the car yet but I’m sure there are more treasures that lie ahead.  I put the key in the ignition to start the car and all these friendly and familiar warning lights pop up on the instrument cluster.

The right side headlight is out, but the left side still works so that’ll do for now.  Gee, he’s out of gas, what a surprise . . .

The car needs brakes badly.  The rear brakes are metal-on-metal and the front brakes aren’t far behind; but the car still stops so it’s all good.  The air bag light is also on, but who needs air bags when you have seat belts . . .

This is a first for me.  It has been almost 70k miles since he has had any sort of service on the car.  Now he may have had an oil change here and there, but the car was obviously serviced by some joint that cannot reset the service light.  When the -69,175 blinked on the indicator I laughed harder than I have in awhile, you just don’t see this, maybe he’s going for some sort of record.

 

I see a lot of people toss ATM records, dry cleaning slips, or fast food reciepts in the back seat of their car, but this guy just tosses multiple parking tickets in the back instead.  I counted about 13 parking citations in the back of the car which means that he’ll be due for a tow in about another week or two.  The good news is that I figured out how he’s going to pay for the tickets . . .

The back seat of your BMW is not the place to start a recycling business.  In case of a hot date or business meeting he’s got some LA Looks hair gel ready and waiting.  As far as I can remember, Arrowhead spring water has been clear, not brown.  I don’t want to know what he’s got brewing in there.

This is truly a shame.  Another example of a perfectly nice BMW trashed by its owner.  These are great cars and in my opinion, one of the best cars that BMW has produced over the last 20 years.  That said, you must maintain your car if you want it to continue to serve you.  Buying a car, trashing it to the point that only a junk yard will buy it, and repeating the cycle is way more expensive than a little preventative maintenance and some tune-ups along the way.

Chris Keefer

La Jolla Independent BMW Service in San Diego

BMW of the Week – 2002 BMW 330i

For some reason these cars are always dropped off after hours.  I’m starting to think that the owners are so embarrassed that they don’t want to see the look on my face when they show up.  I’ve got a 17 year old sister that would kill for this car, unfortunately this car has just been killed its whole life.

As usual, I have to find the key, and of course, the battery is dead.  So I go to the trunk and find out that the battery isn’t actually dead, it’s just not there.  Who does this?

I’m not in the mood to haul out a battery at 7am so I decide to check out the rest of the car, and it’s a real gem.  The interior was tan until they decided to customize it with a “tan and dirt” motif.  Here’s a tip — If you’ve got grease all over your hands and you have a lightly colored interior, consider washing your hands before you get into the car and start touching stuff. The whole interior looks like this and is in serious need of a detail.

Rear view mirrors are over-rated. . .

At this point I’m less than impressed but decide to check out how this BMW is doing mechanically, you never know, it might be a good car after all.  Before I open the hood I notice a flat tire and wonder how long that’s been driven on. Keep in mind that these tires can cost up to $200 a piece.

I open the hood and it pretty much decapitates my head as for some reason they have removed the hood shocks which keep the hood open, good thing I didn’t let go.  The engine looks like someone put a bunch of dirt and baking flour in a leaf blower and had a field day under the hood.  There are a bunch of wires just kinda ‘hanging out’ under the hood, most of which have live power running through them.  Good thing I haven’t put that battery in yet.  I grab a broom stick to hold up the hood, and wrap the wires up with electrical tape for the time being.

Looking further I notice that the windshield washer reservoir cap is missing, not sure why, and there are a bunch of SAE shooter screws holding a bunch of stuff down, totally unnecessary.  Almost like someone was working on it and each time they took off a piece of hardware they just threw it away and used something from Home Depot when they put it back together. Total butchers.

Finally I get a battery in the car and start it up; it sounds like a Volvo that’s about 3 quarts low on oil and there is a leak in the exhaust for some added sound effects.  The instrument cluster is lit up like a christmas tree with every warning light possible staying on.  I put the diagnostic computer on it to see what that’s all about and most of the codes are due to the battery being out of the car, except that there is a transmission fault.  So I drive the car onto my hoist to check the transmission fluid and find that it is down about 3 liters, which is a good way to destroy your transmission.

I fix the flat while it is in the air and then take the car down as I don’t want to do anything else until I hear from the owner.  It’s off the hoist and I go to back it out.  I put the BMW in reverse and nothing happens, big surprise.  They ran the car low on transmission fluid for so long that it destroyed the reverse gear. 

After about an hour of looking around this pile of a BMW, I’ve determined that it needs over $5000 worth of work to get it road-ready and one hell of a detail.  This car is less than 6 years old and has about 36,000 miles on it — what the hell happened?!?  Once again, I’m totally baffled as to how someone can spend over $40,000 for a car and then beat the living daylights out of it and destroy the interior. 

Chris Keefer

La Jolla Independent BMW Service in San Diego

BMW of the Week – 1998 528i

It never ceases to amaze me how fast someone can make a $45,000 car turn into a total pile of shit.  

I got to work pretty early yesterday morning, a little before 7am . . . I like to get to the shop early.  It’s quiet and I can get a lot done before the phones start ringing and the cars start coming in.  I was greeted by this little number sitting dead smack in front of the gate, a 1998 BMW 528i, or e39 in BMW lingo, and I already know it’s a total pile of crap.

I find the hidden key, of course with no note, and of course with a dead battery. My morning isn’t starting so hot.  So first things first, let’s charge the battery, which is in the trunk. That’s when things get better as I’m greeted with another sign of car abuse — keeping tons of stuff in the trunk, awesome!

This is a huge pet peeve of mechanics across the country.  Don’t do this; your trunk is not public storage, it’s for luggage and golf clubs and groceries.  If you are using your trunk as a closet, make sure that you clean it out before you take it to the shop.  I look at this picture again, and I wonder if they even know what’s in there.

Time to move on to the passenger compartment, keep in mind I still have no clue why this this poor car is here . . .

 

This is actually the first time I’ve seen a guitar and a fan in the front seat together, and apparently there was a pretty decent party going on the the back as I cleaned out a bunch of empty beer bottles. If you ever get pulled over by the local authorities and have a guitar and a fan riding shotgun and a bunch of empty beers in the back seat, don’t expect to get off with a warning.

I open the hood of this fine example of a BMW, and things are getting worse.  The car suffered a failed water pump, one of the cooling system components, which happens all the time if not addressed through preventative maintenance.  Unfortunately, once the engine belt comes off the water pump, it becomes a destructive whip; in this case it destroyed the power steering hoses and most of the belt pullys. 

This car has seen what I call ‘Bad Hands.’   I can tell that the ‘mechanic’ who has worked on it in the past has no business whatsoever working on a BMW.  There are cheap hose-clamps everywhere and all of the service items are marked with yellow and pink markers; a sign that the car has been going to “10-minute Quickie Lube.”   

When I go to change the oil I find that “Mr. Quickie” has damaged the drain plug by using the wrong wrench on it and over-tightening it for good measure.  So the drain plug snaps off and I have to fish it out.

 At this point I pretty much want to toss the car in the Pacific as it would make a better artificial reef than a daily driver.  I finish the oil change, fill the car with coolant, and start her up . . .  

If you start your car, it smells sweet, and the exhaust looks like it does in the winter, but it’s over 80 degrees outside, you’ve got a major problem.  Despite all the redeeming qualities of this car, it is now burning coolant as the cylinder head most likely has a major crack in it.  At this point the engine is basically toast.

If this owner had stuck to a decent maintenance program and brought the car to a service center that knows BMWs, he’d have a pretty nice car.  Instead, he now has a $45,000 car that needs about another $4500 worth of work, and in its present condition is probably worth about $450. 

On a side note, if you must put a bumper sticker on something, stick it on your mini-van or pick-up truck, not on your BMW.  If you’ve got one on there now and want to take it off, use a blow dryer on high heat to get the sticker warm before trying to peel it off.

Chris Keefer

La Jolla Independent BMW Service in San Diego